I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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