just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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