please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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