I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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