How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
