this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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