hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
