I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
