he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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