My Higher Power is John Stamos
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
