Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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