so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize