Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This is my gift to your gina
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
