I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You ate ashes out of my bong
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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