he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
