The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
