That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
