Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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