i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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