My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
