Sponge bath it is.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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