I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
