before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
