so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
