Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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