Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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