You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
