you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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