ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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