Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize