Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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