okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
