He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
