you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
