I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
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