In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
