Kiss
Puke
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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