Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
