You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
