now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
