sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
