If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
