I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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