i think my mom watched the whole time
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
