It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
