I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
