i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
