they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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