Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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