If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
